I could have lost him forever completely through death. But his still alive and happy.  Let's be grateful for that. One day he may not hate me as much. May be he will still have some love in there deep down. 

I just hope he does.  I don't know why you let this person mean so much to you. When he left he took everything with him. 

At least it's night time.  Let's just try to relax and think positive. And sleep   It's early but might as well.