Why can't I give it time...
Sunday, July 6, 2014 | 1:15 AM | 0 comment(s)
So I bought a TV hoping it would keep me going. It doesn't even make me happy. I would trade it for him any day. I would give up everything just to have him. I don't even have anger in me anymore. I miss him so much. I wonder what his doing.its been a week and one day since I've last seen him. :( so much hatred in his eyes when I last did. Not his kind eyes he usually has.
How could he hate me so much :( after he told me he lashes out but doesn't want to lose me. Doesn't he miss me... I really really hope he does. Please let his love be true. Trying to be patient and positive but as time goes by more anxiety comes and the more I get scared.
Calm down PC. Keep yourself together. Contacting and being a mess won't help anything. Only pushes him away. You have done enough damage. Let him heal and if he loves you he will come back. Give him his time and space.
I wish I could work 7 days. Even one day off makes you a mess. But your handling it much better now. So that's good. Your growing up a little.
Anther day gone. Almost time to sleep. Best time of the day. Why couldn't you have gotten your life together. This wouldn't have happened cause then you wouldn't have been a psycho.
You need to remember this journal isn't all about him. It's also for yourself to sort you out. Being an emotional wreck is normal. Remember that. Everyone goes through it. He handles it differently. Although he handles it very well compared to you. His been through this before. He can be on his own and happy. His lost loved ones in the past so your not a big loss to him. Try keep calm. Read books and can take you away for awhile. Just like when he can play games and feel ok.
Use thus time to get yourself together. Don't let it be the same. Don't hurt him anymore. Be a good girlfriend for once.
So much mixed emotions.