Where he told me he really over me but lashes out but never wants to ever lose me? 

Or the part where he told me he was deadly serious he wants me out of his life and is blocking me.  

Maybe I'll never know.  could he really hate the person he loves? Or did he never really love me all this time.  

deep down I still believe he loves me.  Am I just siding with myself And giving myself false hope? 

So many questions! and no answers to any of them. 

wish I could just be with him everyday and figure out what his really feeling. Surely if I was sleeping next to him every single night he would slowly tell me. 

is he going to move on? Look for someone else? His never been the type. But people change.  His love for me could have died.  No matter how good moments we had.  

only I would stay loyal. Sigh sometimes maybe it's not the best thing.  You get hurt too much. Love too much. And miss too much. If someone can be away and not mind why can't you do the same. 

I just don't like being apart from him.  Cold winters nights are the best cuddling time.  And I'm missing out.  Yep. Because of me and my irrational overthinking thoughts. You are missing out on the most special and happiness moments.  Maybe next time you will think a little more.   

now i am thankful for people who were complete strangers but was willing to help me all they can.  People who would answer questions and give me hope.  Those not even obligated to do so. And maybe meds. That make me sleep better.   Giving me more energy to live through my struggles.  

It is not easy! but little steps at a time.  

Anger with him has completely faded now.  This is what love does to you. you become mush. how can I be angry at him when I still remember his cute face. ARGHHH stop it.  Stop stop stop. Thinking about it only gives you more pain.  Pain u can barely endure.