Alot of reflection today. I need to stop blaming other people and making excuses. It was my actions. I caused my own pain. I know his in pain even though his strong. I wish I could take that away from him. I haven't felt like contacting because I'm just scared, scared that he would say more hurtful things to me.  It stabs so deep. I don't know if there are any other names he could possibly call me. Psycho, crazy, bitch, manipulative.. Everything under the sun. I know there are times he says it out of anger. I do forgive him for that. If you love someone then I'm willing to under him. He lashes out when his angry and people do. I wish he would hold back some comments, it hurts a lot . 

I saw something on Facebook that was motivating.."maturity comes when you stop excuses and make changes." I think it's time I really grew up. Even if he doesn't love me enough to come back. It will be good for me. 

God I miss him :( his warmth and kiss... I don't know if any other guy would make me feel the way he does.  Since him no other guy has caught my attention. It's strange that way.  Friends wud look at other guys even in the relationship yet I almost feel blind. Love is blind. Remember this. It really hurts. His words hurt. And so does his actions. But you love this guy so much that you forgive him in a heart beat. Don't do this again. Don't fall for a guy this hard. It hurts. Remember this pain. He may love you but he doesn't love your flaws. Even when you try his not willing to forgive and forget.   Trust in your instinct, when you feel there's tension between you. There is. No matter if he says your over thinking. Chances are his already disconnecting from you. If he doesn't return, let it go. He doesn't love you unconditionally. 

Use this to your advantage. Channel your energy into making yourself better. Making other aspects of your life a lot better. Do things that's in your control. 

Time for bed. Best time of the day. Nothing more you can do. You lived another day without him. Look forward to tommorow. Luck might be on your side and he may realise how much he loves me. I wish I had a chance to tell him I love him once more. Don't cry, smile. Hope it not all gone. :)